Today I’m writing a blog post because I don’t want to do my taxes. Although my Instagram feed and this website has been lacking in content lately, I’m still going strong in the writing game. I go to my weekly writing groups, my Sunday writing wife dates, I have paid for editors, more editors, beta-readers, and all sorts of things that can be listed as tax-deductible. However, I haven’t exactly kept track of my finances. So now that it’s time to file my taxes , I’m being forced to crawl through the bank statements for all of my accounts and note my expenses (note I didn’t say income).
Fun…not. So I’m blogging!
The Erotica Challenge that I started last year has lead to a short story called Helping Hands. It’s short piece, only about 30 pages, that I personally enjoyed writing and editing. But as I’m going through the process to get it self-published, writer insecurities keep popping up.
What if nobody likes my story?
This has been a new concern as of late. Like I said, I loved writing my story. I took it to writing groups, and got mixed feedback, but I wasn’t really deterred. But now we’re closer to the end. I’ve had two editors review it, and a handful of beta readers.
Two of my beta readers said that my story is 100% not their kink and was not able to enjoy the story because of it. That was my first ‘oh shit’ moment. Like not only could people not like my stuff, but I could possibly get some pretty serious backlash from it.
But wait, there’s more!
When I was looking for a cover designer, the very first cover designer I reached out to said (and I quote): I got halfway through and before I decided this isn’t for me. Right now, I’m trying to build a book cover portfolio that will hopefully lead to bigger things in the future, but not in this direction.
That literally made my heart hurt. Like I wasn’t asking for a free cover. I wanted to give him money to make something for me. And he hated my story so much that he didn’t even want to take my money.
I’m trying not to let my writer insecurities hold me back, but even now, when trying to go through some last minute edits, I’m finding it hard to keep motivated.